Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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