Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
