you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
