Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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