Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize