I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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