Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
