So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
