Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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