I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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