A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
