peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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