In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
