Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we're making bets on your personal life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
