Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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