my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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