are you still at the devil's house?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
