So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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