I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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