Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
