Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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