My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
