How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
