I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
