So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
