we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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