Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
