It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
