i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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