You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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