1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
