Are we in a gay sports bar?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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