you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
