if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
