plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize