You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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