I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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