well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
