I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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