Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i think my cat just said my name.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
