I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
