I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
