but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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