The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
