I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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