just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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