Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
