we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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