Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
