So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
