did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
