being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
