community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
