I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
