having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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