I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
