i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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