I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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