How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cut my penus on the lid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
