went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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