is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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